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Had all these men lost hope? Why were they dressed like that dude from high school who always tries to sell you knives when you run into him every trip back home? If you learn anything from me at all, it's that you should always dress how you want to feel, not how you actually feel. That, and never buy knives from that dude from high school. To be blunt, most of the men on either side including me were average-looking -- sometimes aggressively so. These men weren't the living mannequins you see gliding on the roller skates of their good looks through Chelsea.

I'd like to go on record and say those men are horrible, and the human equivalent of a parfait. The men here were normal dudes: Well, except for one dude. Have you ever been at a party and realized, with a cold sweat and a shiver of dread, that you were the smartest one in the room? It's happened to me once before; I realized that if I was the smartest person in the room, then we were all screwed. That's how I imagine this gentleman felt, except that instead of being the smartest man in the room, he was the best-looking. This was only heightened by the fact that Speed dating reviews nyc of Speed dating reviews nyc men at the event were, as I said, aggressively average -- like, community-college average.

Don't get me wrong. Most of the men were hilarious -- unintentionally, that is. One gentleman, for example, interrupted me halfway throughout our introductions and asked with a smile, "Are you a Greek god? I gave him the ol' side eye and sipped out of my beer suspiciously. I know how that scenario usually ends: By the end of the night, I had met about 16 different men, and I can tell you that the look of disappointment that flashed on their faces upon seeing me never got old. I tried my best to be my most "top" self like trying to polish a turd, as they say.

Alas, despite my greatest efforts, I was not a very convincing top. I might have had better luck convincing them I was a a very lost and confused lesbian. There is nothing speedy about speed dating. I was bottoming out after talking to guy after guy for four hours. By the time I got to the handsomest man in the room, I could tell we were both exhausted. I was tired from putting on the performance of my life, and he was tired from all the normals he'd had to speak to. I had no desire to impress or pretend to be interested in anything that wasn't sleep -- or pizza, or a burrito, or both at the same time -- which is a shame, because this gentleman was like a surprisingly nice dessert section in a really bad buffet.

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