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This isn't going to work. I'm pissed off and frustrated with you. Then one night out of the blue she texts and asks if she should come over with a bottle of wine. I say sure, since she seemed pretty cool. She turns up half an hour later with an open bottle of wine she has half emptied already. She finishes that off within 10 minutes and I open another bottle, which is gone in another half an hour. She passes out in my bed, waking up occasionally, trying to kiss me. She then pees in my bed and doesn't wake up for 3 hours. I assumed we'd be getting food or at least sitting in a bar because it was the middle of winter and it was dinner time.

He turned up with no money and when I asked what he wanted to do he would just say 'Whatever you want'. I said I wanted food, he said he would just watch me eat. I have no idea what he thought we'd be doing for that date, it was awful. So I start making a bit of conversation, and much to my surprise, we seem to really hit it off. She starts hinting at if I'm seeing anyone, and I say no, and she immediately reaches into her pocket and starts writing something down. We're having a party on Wednesday night, and you should come.

I head over to her place, knock on the door and there she is, looking amazing. She smiles and hugs me, grabs me by the hand and drags me through the party until she gets to this big dude. Jeff, this is Jonas.

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Not knowing anyone else, I just keep on talking to Jeff. Seems like a good guy. Suddenly he stops me mid-sentence and says, 'You're not gay, are you?